Navigating the Terrible Twos: Dealing with Toddler Tantrums

Toddler tantrums can be stressful for everyone so by understanding tantrum behaviours across different age groups, you can better anticipate and manage your little one’s emotional outbursts. Continue reading to gain a deeper understanding of tantrums and discover effective strategies for handling them!

Why tantrums happen

Understanding their triggers and reasons behind tantrums can help you navigate these challenging moments with patience and empathy. Tantrums often occur because children are experiencing developmental changes and emotional growth. As they are learning to communicate their needs and emotions, they may not yet have the vocabulary or skills to express themselves effectively, leading to frustration and tantrums.

Common triggers for tantrums include:

• Hunger
• Tiredness
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Changes in routine or transitions that they aren’t prepared for 
• Being denied something they want

It’s essential to consider the underlying causes of tantrums. Sometimes, tantrums result from unmet needs like hunger, thirst, or discomfort. Other times, children may feel frustrated, anxious, or throw a temper tantrum due to their inability to control a situation or obtain what they desire. Providing a supportive environment where children feel heard can help them develop better coping mechanisms over time.

How to prevent tantrums

While in an ideal world we’d love to be able to prevent tantrums from happening, we all know some things are out of our control. With some pre-emptive planning and thoughtful strategies up your sleeve, you can help reduce the likelihood of tantrums occurring, or at least reduce the duration of one. Here are two key approaches to try:

Creating a calm environment:

• A peaceful atmosphere can significantly reduce the likelihood of tantrums. 
• Establish consistent routines, as children thrive on predictability. 
• Set clear boundaries and expectations, ensuring your child understands what behaviour is acceptable. 
• Ensure your child gets enough rest and sleep, as tiredness can contribute to emotional meltdowns.

Teaching emotional regulation skills:

Helping your child develop emotional regulation skills can empower them to manage their emotions more effectively. 

• Encourage open communication and active listening, so your child feels comfortable expressing their feelings. 
• Teach them coping strategies like deep breathing exercises or counting to five when they feel overwhelmed. 
• Role-play different scenarios with your child, providing them with opportunities to practise problem-solving and self-control. 
• Model healthy emotional regulation yourself, as children learn by example.

By creating a calm environment and teaching emotional regulation skills, you can hopefully reduce the occurrence of tantrums. Every child is unique, so be patient and adjust your approach as needed. 

How to handle tantrums

Dealing with tantrums can be challenging, but with the right strategies, you can effectively handle these outbursts and help your child learn to regulate their emotions. Here are some short and long term strategies you could try to manage toddler tantrums:

Immediate strategies for dealing with tantrums:

• Stay calm: As hard as it is, toddlers feed off our energy. An adult with heightened emotions cannot de-escalate an escalated child. Try and stay as calm and cool as you can and talk to your toddler with a quiet and confident tone. If you need to, take some deep breaths, or remove yourself from the situation (if safe to do so) to regain your composure.
• Provide a safe space: Find a quiet and secure area where your child can express their emotions freely. This helps them feel supported and prevents any potential hazards.
• Validate their feelings: Let your child know that their emotions are valid and that you understand their frustration. Use empathetic statements like, 'I can see you’re feeling upset right now.'
• Use distraction: Sometimes, redirecting your child’s attention can help diffuse the tantrum. Engage them in a favourite activity or offer a toy or object that may capture their interest.

Long-term strategies for dealing with tantrums:

While dealing with tantrums in the moment is ideal, it’s also important to implement long-term strategies:

• Establish routines: Children thrive on predictability, so having a consistent daily routine can minimise triggers for tantrums. Work on having regular mealtimes, nap times, and bedtimes as much as possible.
• Teach emotional regulation: Help your child develop healthy coping mechanisms by teaching them how to express their feelings in appropriate ways. Encourage them to use words to communicate their emotions rather than resorting to temper tantrums. Reinforce positive behaviour through praise.
• Offer choices: Giving your child age-appropriate choices can help them feel a sense of control and reduce frustration. For example, let them choose between two outfits or decide which book to read before bedtime.
• Reinforce positive behaviour: Praise, and where appropriate reward your child when they handle challenging situations without resorting to tantrums. Positive reinforcement can encourage them to continue using appropriate behaviours.

By implementing these strategies, you can create a nurturing environment that supports your child’s emotional development and helps them manage tantrums more effectively.

Tantrums in different age groups

Tantrums can be a common occurrence in children of different age groups. Understanding the reasons behind tantrums and how to handle them can help you navigate these challenging moments. Here are some insights into tantrums in different age groups:

Tantrums in toddlers (1-3 years)

Toddlers often have limited communication skills, making tantrums a way for them to express their needs and frustrations. Common triggers for tantrums in this age group include hunger, fatigue, discomfort, or overstimulation. Providing a consistent routine, ensuring physical comfort, and offering distractions can help prevent and manage tantrums.

Tantrums in preschoolers and early school-age children (4-6 years)

As children grow older, their ability to communicate improves, but temper tantrums may still occasionally occur. Tantrums in this age group are often triggered by a desire for independence, frustration with limitations, or difficulty managing emotions. Setting clear boundaries, offering choices within limits, and teaching healthy coping strategies can help children navigate these challenging moments.

When to seek help for tantrums in 2 year olds

While tantrums are a normal part of child development, severe tantrums may indicate underlying issues that may require professional intervention. Identifying signs of severe tantrums can help determine when it is necessary to consult a healthcare professional. Some signs include:

• Extreme aggression, such as hitting, biting, or kicking;
• Frequent and prolonged tantrums that last for more than 15-20 minutes;
• Self-harming behaviours, such as head-banging or scratching;
• Intense emotional outbursts that are difficult to calm down;
• Tantrums that occur in multiple settings, such as at home, school, or public places;
• Underlying issues such as anxiety, trauma, or learning problems.

If your child consistently displays these signs or if the tantrums are interfering with their daily life, it is recommended you talk to a healthcare professional. They can help assess the situation, provide guidance, and offer targeted strategies to manage and prevent tantrums.

When considering which healthcare professional your child might need, start by talking to your doctor. They will be able to assess your child’s specific needs and refer you to the right professional. Healthcare professionals who can assist with tantrum-related concerns can include:

• Paediatricians: They specialise in child health and development and can provide comprehensive evaluations and guidance.
• Child psychologists: They are trained to assess and treat behavioural and emotional issues in children.
• Occupational therapists: They can evaluate sensory processing difficulties that may contribute to tantrums and provide strategies to address them.

Seeking help is not a sign of weakness or failure as a parent. It shows your commitment to your child’s well-being and development. With the right support and guidance, you can navigate through tantrum challenges and create a positive environment for you and your child. 
 

Frequently asked questions about tantrums

What is a tantrum?

A tantrum is a strong emotional outburst commonly seen in young children. It may involve crying, screaming, kicking, or other challenging behaviours. Tantrums are a normal part of child development and often occur when children are overwhelmed, frustrated, or unable to express their needs effectively.

How to deal with tantrums?

When dealing with tantrums, it's important to try and stay calm and patient. Offer comfort and empathy, validate your child's feelings, and provide a safe space. Use positive discipline techniques like redirection, time-ins or time-outs. Establish consistent boundaries and help them identify better ways to express their emotions.

When do tantrums stop? 

Tantrums typically decrease in frequency and intensity as your child develops better emotional regulation and communication skills. Every child will be different though and if you feel your child’s tantrums are lasting beyond what you deem normal, or is interfering with daily life, it’s a good idea to talk to a healthcare professional.

What should you not say during a tantrum?

During a tantrum, it's important to avoid saying things that may escalate the situation or invalidate your child's feelings. Avoid using negative labels, threatening consequences, or dismissing their emotions. Instead, focus on offering comfort, empathy, and understanding to help them calm down and regain control.

Should you walk away from a tantrum?<

Walking away from a tantrum can be helpful in certain situations. If your child is safe and you feel overwhelmed, taking a short break can help you regain composure. However, it's important to ensure their safety and return to address their needs once you are calm and ready to provide support.